So reasons a generation. Then, in their thirties, they decide to settle down. Good luck buddy!

My friend Tee Tyson recently did this vlog on porn or “pron” as the Internet generation calls it. I liked how she handled this subject, without getting preachy.

Check it out:That Girl Tyson

While I was amused by it, I was also experiencing a much stronger reaction: you see, I HATE PORN.

Two words: conditioned response.

For those who haven’t had Psychology 101, it’s what happens when you pair a stimulus (porn) with a response (masturbation/arousal) and habitually, over time, you get a conditioned response that ends up diminishing the real thing. Think Pavlov’s dogs- porn is the bell, arousal is the drool, and masturbation is the result. Check out this article in Wired Magazine: Internet Porn: Worse than Crack?

What happens when a generation of young boys, by the millions, surfing porn on the internet, masturbating to it, learn at a formative age that women aren’t really people.  They’re bitches and hos, and when they say no they don’t really mean it.

Classic!

For the girls, they hear that sexting is cool, that being a porn star is something to aspire to, and they actually compete for the chance to let it all hang out. Girls are photographing themselves and each other and circulating these images among themselves, and they think nothing of it unless someone makes fun, calling them fat or something.

I had a client cutting herself over a photo she sent to a boyfriend of her open coochie. She thought this was perfectly normal, was just upset when he sent the photo to all his buddies and they approached her for sex. Thought the boyfriend betrayed their love.

She was twelve.

It scares me to think of this generation trying to find long term partners and raise families with this kind of foundation for their relationships.

Ten years ago I thought I was a cool mom, hiring a 15 year old neighborhood boy to babysit afterschool.  Our son, aged 9 at the time, idolized the boy, and he was a good kid, no dad in his life and loved our family, coming to holidays and just really being a part of our lives. We had cyberprotect programs on all our computers and thought we were safe until one day Mike checked the browsing history and found out the kid had been surfing porn on our computers- and not only that, had let our son see it too.

We fired the kid in a heartwrenching sit-down talk. He cried and begged to be given another chance, but I couldn’t help wondering if something worse had happened—and to this day we live with the knowledge that it could have. Do I blame the kid? No. I blame porn—its insidious hold, its addictive bell-ringing titillation, its open door into darker and darker things to get the same arousal.

Porn is shown to be an escalating factor in sexual deviance and violence. When investigators are looking for rapists, pedophiles, and other sexual perpetrators they look for porn. It’s the gateway drug of sexual violence.

As a therapist I can attest to how many relationships porn hurts. WAAAAAYYYYY more than it’s ever helped, that’s for sure. And dudes who want to quit struggle to worse than smoking. Because, people, they’ve become Pavlov’s dogs.  Watch, listen, drool. Pretty soon you can’t get it up without the bell.

How are these folks going to enjoy the dimply, jiggly, smelly, sweaty, hairy realities of what is the most intimate part of love? Porn is poison, of the arsenic-slow-build kind. Not entertainment.

Don’t even let it burn your eyeballs, because unfortunately, those images may be in your mind forever. Porn’s not cool—it cheapens all the tomatoes who watch it.

unspeakable leftovers. Ewwwwww!

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